I sat in my room last night thinking……..it’s Sunday tomorrow and I haven’t been to the ‘House of the Lord’ for two months; “what’s going on with you Dionne?”, I thought to myself and so I prayed and tried to find a space in my heart where guilt dwelt; guilt for deviating from the laws of propriety both in the Church and in Nigeria, but I felt none.
Sunday morning came with my usual commune with my Father, my Husband, my Lover, my Friend but today I didn’t want to watch the service online, I just wanted to read the word, be in a place of thanksgiving and enjoy our little spats of conversation through the day. My mother expressed her concern about my lack of enthusiasm for the weekly visits to the ‘House of the Lord; I smiled and said to her “Mama….the Word is alive and in my heart, before my eyes, in my mouth daily; that’s my mojo, not the church pews…..I am taking a well deserved break from meaningless worship”
Now I can hear the holy rollers saying to themselves “Meaningless Worship??!!! Sister Dionne!” but what is meaningful to me differs from what is to another. My context of meaningless worship in this instance does not refer to the Church but to the fact that my current season with the Father is best spent in quiet, secluded worship with Him in the absence of religious church-going and collective fellowship in a large congregation. By 3pm today, my younger brother who is a youth pastor, his wife and another couple stopped by and we had a wonderful time of ‘fellowship’ (sharing life and love in the context of who we are – Children of God) that was even more fulfilling for me than ‘the gathering of the saints in a building called The House of the Lord’
I do not know why a church building where a mixed multitude of people gather to pray, praise and hear the Word from the mouth of a ‘man of God’ is the standard for the place to be on a Sunday morning, I do not know why in this season my spirit that is one with God’s Spirit will not carry a load of guilt around for the absence of an activity I have done religiously for half my life, I do not even attempt to decipher fully what this might mean in the big scheme of things where walking daily with the Father is concerned; but this one thing I am clear about …….”that my current state of heart in the discovery of self in an inward journey on a narrow path, is not an outward expression of the preoccupation with religious beliefs, themes or content, it is not religiousity and as such holds no interest for me in it’s Sunday Sunday Daraprin expression that is more cultural than it is holy”
So today I am thankful for family, for friendship, for fellowship and for the freedom in Christ that I enjoy!!!!
geishawives 