OUTSIDE MY HOTEL ROOM WINDOW

I hate hotel rooms…….small ones, large ones, cosy ones, posh upscale ones (the whole lot of them!)….I know that sounds weird to some people but I have my reasons and all of them came to roost today as I stared mindlessly out of the one I’m currently in at a building under construction. The building looked so stark and empty against the grey skies; it’s lifeless frame just sitting there but still it compared like a second skin to the emotional starkness I feel each time I have to make ‘home’ in yet another hotel room!
Suddenly this thought came to mind and stayed longer than was comfortable…….”Naked and vulnerable”…..then it occurred to me that it was how I felt each time I tried to make a home for a season in yet another hotel room. It’s funny how one thought naturally progresses into another because here I was staring at a lifeless building with it’s open windows and doorways, yet feeling a different kind of vulnerability that reminded me of the reasons why human nature is so complex.
I am like the lifeless building more times than I care to count…..sometimes a kind heart walks in with a coat of paint, soft furnishings and great company then leaves and I become that building again, sometimes busy hands put in a desk, a chair, a computer and a piled in-tray but soon enough the tray empties and there is no longer any use for the desk, chair and computer so I become the building again, at other times the illicit one night stand, the scandalous affair, the theft of company resources, the stowaway heart steeped in selfish irresponsibility (and all their dreaded relatives) fill my thoughts, words or deeds but only for a season before I become that building again…….”naked and completely open to anything”
I wish that life would hand me a separate deck of cards; the one where my aces meant I didn’t need to feel, to cry, to live through this stark lifeless corridors daily waiting for the Master Decorator Himself so I could finally see colours….(anything but this grey Lord!). Still I sit staring, with my one single thought……the lifeless building outside my hotel room window!